Recently I have realised that I have in fact hardly any friends. It’s strange because I feel like I have a lot of friends, but when I think about it I really only ever see a certain few and when it comes down to it I don’t mind because it means less effort for me but that is definitely my downfall. The reason I don’t have as many friends as I think I do is simply because I am actually the laziest friend you could possibly have, I don’t really make any effort with anyone which is just pathetic.
I mostly only thought about my friendships as one of my friends was saying that I was basically her only friend. How strange to only have one friend? Then I looked at myself and was like “well I only really like seeing these people”, the others are simply people I can hang out with but in reality don’t know much about them. I know I don’t put the effort in and even when I am determined to put in the effort after about a day or two I simply forget to talk to them. I honestly think my horrible memory lets me down the most, I am the person who you message, you know I’ve seen it but I don’t reply for days, eventually you’ll get a reply like “whoops, I read this the other day but got distracted”. It happens so often it’s ridiculous. I think the people who really are my friends have acknowledged that this happens a lot and have worked out that if I don’t reply then to message me again.
This fact became very clear to me when I went out for my birthday and not that many people showed up, but it makes sense, a friendship is hard when you’re the only one doing all the work. I think perhaps thats another reason why I struggle to put effort in because too many times in the past I have put in a lot of effort and suffered for it but thats no longer relevant. I need some lessons from my boyfriend, he hardly sees or talks to anyone but me and yet everyone loves him and tries to hang out with him. Not that I blame them, I can say I am rather fond of his company. I think the best thing out of this whole realisation is that I don’t really need that many friends, I rather like hanging out with a smaller group and actually knowing what’s happening with them.
Sunny Days 